Comparison is the thief of joy is a saying attributed to President Theodore Roosevelt. If it’s the thief of joy I’d say it’s also the friend of anxiety.We live in an age where more and more people are sharing the best version of their lives online and comparing yourself to others is absolutely rife. Although people are allowing a glimpse into the more vulnerable difficult parts of their existence, on the whole, it’s the shiny polished successful parts that gets more airtime.

This can leave some people with a tinge of jealousy, feelings of failure and the fear of not being good enough.

Not feeling good enough

If you’re working on your business and having months where you may be dipping into your savings because your earnings haven’t covered the mortgage or you’ve worked on a number of pitches and heard a never-ending carousel of no’s, or worse still have been ghosted, then it may feel painful when you open up your socials and see a cascade of posts where people are talking about their 5 figure months and sharing how they’re so busy they’re turning down work.

Getting inspiration from other people in business can be great but if comparing yourself to others consumes you it can lead to feelings of inadequacy. 

People sometimes chastise individuals for not always feeling anything other than utter joy for others success but we’re all complicated humans and we don’t always feel what we would like to feel or even what we rationally think. It’s often not that we begrudge others’ successes but that the harsh internal voice internalises seeing that success as a confirmation that we are not good enough or that we are failing.

Realise that what you’re seeing on socials is often the Hollywood happy ending, not the documentary. If people are experiencing huge success, the chances are that the path to get there was paved with obstacles and difficult periods. 

They’re selling you the dream

It’s worth remembering that there are some accounts that talk about success in order to sell you the same dream if you just sign onto their massively expensive course. I appreciate that there are genuine people who run these models and share lots of valuable learnings but I also know many people who have fallen victim to signing up to courses and events run by people who aren’t qualified to help them and have not been truthful about their success). 

If we’re spending too much time looking outwardly, it’s sometimes a sign we need to look inwardly. 

Prompts to help you when comparing yourself to others

• Dig deep and ask yourself why you feel the need to compare yourself to others? 
• What is your internal voice generally like towards yourself? Is it overly harsh? 
• How can you build your self-compassion and self-confidence? 
• Take the positives you can gain from seeing other people’s success:
• Think about what you admire about that person and what you can learn from them. 
• Is it a signal to work on your content, branding, tone of voice, product offering etc?
• How can you collaborate? Remember the unique skills that you have to offer and perhaps there are ways you can collaborate with others. I love working with others on joint projects. 
• Network and meet other people in your own line of business and in other fields like coming to a Pints and Purpose event LINK. You are likely to find common passions and goals. That can be really inspiring. Collaboration often results in elevated ideas.

How Pints and Purpose helps

Pints and Purpose is a fabulous community of women and non-binary entrepreneurs and business owners in south east London who are there to lift each other up through the rollercoaster that is self-employment. I’m very grateful to be part of the community.

Plan and focus on your own path

You are a unique individual who brings your own personality, ideas and experiences into your business. What do you want to achieve and what can you control to help you get there? What external help do you need to meet your goals?

Chart your successes and celebrate your wins. Remind yourself of the brilliant qualities you have and don’t be scared to share your fears and vulnerabilities, you’ll often find that people are relieved to learn that not everyone is having 5am ice baths and making their next million before breakfast. 

Being a founder is tough and it can sometimes be lonely. The connections we make are vital so that we can all support each other during the tough times and celebrate each other’s successes during the good.

To find out more about Kerry and her company Full Beam visit www.fullbeam.org

Photography by Pauliina Roots Photography